Beauty, and feathers, are in the eye of the beholder.

Last week a friend, let's call him Brad, and I stopped at a gas station so he could pick up a pack of cigarettes.

Near the the cash register were a number of point-of-purchase candies, cigarette lighters and plastic roses - typical fare for a gas station counter.

One of the items were York mints in a tin. The box containing the tins featured a model with a fashion accessory I'd never seen before:

The model has feathers - glued to her eyes.

Feathers. Glued. To. Her. EYES!

Remember that I live in a small mountain town, fashion takes a while to catch up here. Besides, Ashevillians tend to prefer hippie-style clothes that you can't buy at the Gap. Eyeball jewelry is an entirely alien concept here.

So I'm marveling that anyone would think it's a good idea to stick feathers in your eyes, when Brad pipes in:

"Cool. Those feathers make her look hot."

"What do you mean?" I reply, "She's gorgeous no matter what she puts on."

Brad: "No way man. Those feathers totally make the picture."

Me: "No, I'm sorry. An attractive woman could wear a birds nest on her head, and it would still look sexy."

Brad: "Not true. If you gave the York mint model a Chinese hat, and smeared some poo on her face she would not look nearly as good."

So I asked the station attendant if I could have the box, took it home, and then applied some photoshop:

Behold! Despite a glowing woo-woo Chinese hat, poo-smears and holding a lump of crap - she STILL looks hot. Poking the girls eyes with foreign objects does nothing for the picture other than say: "Look at me! The next time moisture hits my face not only will I have to worry about mascara running - but I might go blind."

Ladies, what you do to your bodies is your own business. But c'mon - gluing stuff to your eyes? If you're attractive, it doesn't add anything. If you're not - it sure as heck isn't going to help much.

Heck, if you're going to stick stuff to your eyes, why not take a cue from pre-WWII Japanese women and get into foot binding? That way it won't matter if you're blind - you won't be able to walk far in any case.

/end rant.

Read counterpoint here.

Tags: Beauty - feathers - eyeballs - York mints in a tin - poo - Paul, you have got too much time on your hands.

P.S.: Be sure to take a look at the counterpoint. Enjoy.

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