Brainshrub.com - Human Rights

The Vast Lesbian Conspiracy

Paul -V- — Fri, 19 Jan 2007 09:17:14 -0500

There is a coffee shop / used bookstore near my home called "OutSpoken". The owners, a pair of activist lesbians, are friendly and the internet connection is solid. I've started frequenting the place about three times a week to write for this blog.

OutSpoken is also a local lesbian hang-out spot. While I sit nondescriptly in a corner partially hidden between a counter and bookshelves, customers come in and talk shop about what is going on in the gay community.

Since the cafe is only 900 square feet, I can't help but overhear many of these conversations. At this point, I suspect I know more gossip about Asheville's lesbian-scene than any other heterosexual male.

To say this has been an educational experience is an understatement. I consider myself an educated person about the politics and history of gender roles. I have many gay friends, including my own brother, so I'm hardly ignorant of the existence of alternative lifestyles.

Still, from my make-shift desk at OutSpoken, I often feel like a foreigner visiting a far-away tribe. Place a pith helmet on my head, and call me Dr. Livingston.

I hate to admit it, but I realized that I had a few stereotypes of lesbians in general. So, for everyone's benefit, here is what I've learned.

1) Most lesbians don't hate heterosexual men, they're annoyed at us. The stereotype is "angry" lesbian, but it's not anger - it's annoyance. And honestly, who can blame them? If you lived in a society that measured much of your worth by how willing you were to have sex with people you weren't interested in - wouldn't you be annoyed?

2) Many disputes and negotiations in the lesbian community are settled over herbal tea. Lot's of herbal tea. They do something called "processing" and then talk about the problem ad-nausea for hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, and hours, and hours ... you get the idea.

Heterosexual women also do this to a lesser extent, but the major difference is that lesbians do not put time constraints on these conversations. The issue either gets resolved, or they continue talking until their ears bleed.

3) Calling a "she" a "he". ~~This took me awhile to get used to~~ I'm still trying to get used to this - several of the lesbians prefer to referred to as "he".

I know a few men who also switch their gender title, but they dress in drag. Being a woman, donning a dress, and still referring to yourself as "he" is particularly revolutionary; since what it does is establish gender roles firmly in the realm of choice, rather than biology, fashion or social pressures.

4) Kids - lesbians have lots of them. I assumed that lesbians, by and large, would not be as copasetic to the idea of having children as heterosexuals. Boy howdy, was I wrong. Most of the lesbians who frequent OutSpoken have children. And frankly, from what I observe, they are doing a better job at raising them.

Quick example: I saw 6 year old pulling books from the shelves and throwing them on the floor. Rather then telling her son to stop it, the mother calmly asked: "Honey, would you like it if someone took all your toys and threw them on the floor?"

"No momma."

"Well, what do you think you should do?"

"Put dem back?"

"That's a good idea. I'll help."

No disrespect to heterosexual families - but THAT is good breeding. I've never seen anything like it.

5) The vast lesbian conspiracy: There is no vast lesbian conspiracy. Okay, this last point wasn't something I learned; all thinking people understand that there is no "Gay Agenda", like the religious right claim.

Still, it's interesting how ignorant most of us are about the rich sub-cultures that exist under our noses. The lesbian community is just one of many.

All you need to do to find a subculture is open your eyes to it. Or, find a hidden nook in a bookstore and listen.

Read counterpoint here.

Tags: lesbians - subculture - bookstore - cafe - coffee shop - gender - gay - Dr. Livingston, I presume?

Time completed: 13:00 PM EST

Mall Security Gone Wild

Paul -V- — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 10:20:19 -0500

An open letter to the management of the Coral Square Mall in Coral Springs, Florida.

To whom it may concern,

Friday afternoon your mall's security staff and I had a misunderstanding that resulted in an unpleasant situation for everyone involved.

First, to put into context what happened, you should know that I run the blog Brainshrub.com. A "blog" is a user generated website where entries are made in journal style and displayed in a reverse chronological order. Blogs often provide commentary or news on a particular subject, such as food, politics, or local news. (1)

One of the features of Brainshrub.com is a series called "The Brainshrub Bus Project", that reports on public transportation issues. Normally, the articles are about Asheville Public Transit in North Carolina. However, since I happen to be in Florida visiting family for Christmas, I was looking forward to critiquing Broward Country's transit system.

On Friday morning I had, what I thought at the time, was a brilliant angle for the next Brainshrub Bus Project: An article pointing out to shoppers that if they wanted to avoid the hassle of finding a parking spot at the mall during the holidays, they should park someplace a few blocks away, then hop on a bus for the remaining distance.

The Coral Square Mall, with its bus stop in front of the main entrance, would have made a made a perfect example for readers. For the story, I planned to take a picture of the crowded parking lot and the easily accessible buses.

No big deal.

Or so I thought.

Not wanting to wrestle with the parking situation for the photos, and thinking this would only take 90 seconds, I asked my mother to drop me off in front of the Coral Square Mall, drive away as to not block traffic, and then rendezvous in the same spot after I was done.

I snapped some pictures on a digital camera, about six in all, then waited for the ride home.

Within a few minutes, one of your security employees drove by in a mini-SUV and asked what I was doing.

Me: "Just taking some pictures for a writing project. I'll be gone soon."

Security guy in SUV: "You can't do that."

Me: "I'm in a public parking lot, these are public buses and I'm not doing anything wrong. Besides, I'm about to leave."

I thought that settled the issue, but a few moments later another security employee arrived on foot.

Security guy: "You can't take pictures."

Me: "I can take pictures all I want in a public space, but I'm done now."

Security: "I'm going to have to ask you to delete those pictures."

At this point, I'm thinking to myself: "In a pigs eye I will!" but instead I replied:

"That isn't going to happen."

Security guy: "I'll have to call the police."

Me: "You do that, but I plan to leave soon - so unless you are accusing me of a crime, I see no reason why I should wait around with you."

Now, the LAST thing I wanted to do was drag my mother into a silly squabble with a security employee. So I decide to walk off mall property ASAP.

What I didn't know was that on my way out, security stumbled upon my mother who was looking for me back at the mall, and told her that I was acting suspiciously and needed to be apprehended. They also got her phone and plate number.

When she picked me up about five minutes later, she said that mall security insisted that I go back and delete the pictures on the camera. Otherwise, they would call the police and track us down to the house.

Me: "WTF are you talking about? They can't do squat and are intimidating you. Let's go home."

Mom: "No, I've never been in trouble with the law before. I don't plan to now."

Me: "You aren't in trouble with the law! This is mall security; the worst they can do is chase teens around on their over-sized golf-carts."

Mom: "I'm not arguing, you are going back."

At this point I realized that she was genuinely concerned. Although I felt she was over-reacting, to make her happy I agreed to return.

Once back in the mall's parking lot, and under the watchful eye of a security employee who clearly did not understand what a blog was or why I wanted a picture of a bus stop, I deleted the images.

I thought that was that, but then the security employee insisted that I come with him into the mall, meet the police and fill a report. I wouldn't have done so, but again, I didn't want to stress out my mother - so I agreed. Once she drove away I followed the security employee to the mall, but refused to enter the building.

When the Coral Springs police arrived they were polite and professional - although they rolled their eyes a bit when the security employee explained what happened. It's not like the cops had anything better to do than file a report on a guy who wasn't accused of a crime and wanted to leave the property as quickly as possible.

The police gave me a written warning to stay away from the Coral Square Mall for three months, then sent me on my way.

Now that I've given my version of events, here is what I've learned from the experience:

I should have gone to the mall's office first and explained the Brainshrub Bus Project to a manager. In my defense, I didn't think a picture of a parking lot and a public bus stop would cause so much trouble.
In the face of perceived power - it's far more difficult to stand up for your rights if the people you care about are scared. It was only by bringing my mother into this situation that mall security was able to make me do something I was clearly within my rights to do: Leave the property.

This unfortunate situation wasted the time of your security staff, who could have been helping to direct traffic or watching out for shoplifters. It also wasted the time of the police and embarrassed your institution in front of them.

I bare no ill-will toward your mall's security. They were only doing their job enforcing what most shoppers would consider a ridiculous policy. They were never rude, only insistent. However, it wasn't as if I was screaming "Allah Akbar, hail Osama! Die capitalist American dogs!!!"

Rather than bearing a grudge, or suing your company for coercion, I'm just going to post the images I took when I write the next article for the Brainshrub Bus Project - then we'll call it even. (2)

Happy Holidays,

Paul -V-

ON EDIT 01/08/2007 @ 11:10 EST: (Here is the article I wrote about the parking and buses.)

Rather than a counterpoint, here is a great post about what people are allowed to take pictures of with their camera .

Tags: Coral Square Mall - Tragedy of the Commons - Photography - Mall Security - Rent-a-cops - Mall - Christmas - Bus - Public Transit

(1) Wikipedia

(2) It turns out that the camera had a backup on the memory card, so I didn't lose the images after all! :) Woot!